got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
