guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
