It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
