I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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