before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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