Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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