who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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