My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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