Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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