Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
