I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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