The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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