how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
