Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
