OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
