well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
