You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
