I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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