just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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