THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i will never coherently bang her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
