I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
