Can i not drive my cunt home
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize