I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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