Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize