i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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