I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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