walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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