I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
