she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
