I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.