ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?