Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does

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(703): View more from Virginia

keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(916): View more from California

She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.

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(707): View more from California

I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.

(1-707): View more from California

is that even a sentence?

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(949): View more from California

Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter

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(925): View more from California

So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever

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(607): View more from New York

Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.

(607): View more from New York

OMG THE ANT WON

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