I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.