I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.