i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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