You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it