so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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