Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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