I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
