as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.