I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
