You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
