Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
