So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
