Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
