Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I supernannyed him into submission
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