I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
