What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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