Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
