I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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