How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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