i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
