If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
