I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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