Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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