DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
