you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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