In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
