He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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