you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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