So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
