got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
