he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize