So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
