I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
