Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
