i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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