Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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