Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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