I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
