TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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