please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
