Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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