i may or may not be watching the land before time
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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