peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
