Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
