Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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