Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
