I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
