i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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