Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
