Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
